so im back in LA

and now what....
i get to see those who mapped out my life for 4 years slowly fade away
i go off to boston fall in love with it and everything which comes along with my life there.
then i find a job in maine which seems to be teh best thing yet
turns out it took me for the biggest ride of my life.. i genuinley feel different therefore i come here and apparently i act as though i feel diff more than ever.. i act as a visitor.
on top of it while in LA my mother gets sick ... meaning i start thinking about the fact that her mother only lived for another 20 years
and shes been getting sick alot and shes alone def keeping herself busy but regardless im scared and thinking about the fact that i have found this whole other life on the other side of the country

maybe this is just another sign that im older ad reality is hitting me harder and harder

once again sorry about any typos
once again i dont know who im appologizing to

any other world

(center text)

In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remnants

Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I tried to live alone
But lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to give up my defences

So I smiled and tried to mean it
To let myself let go

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in

To the world you thought you lived in

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

Say goodbye to the world you
thought you lived in [ x2 ]
Say goodbye

In any other world
You could tell the difference

[ Spoken ]
"I never ever, I forget my story.
My face is not sad, but inside, I am sad."

pip

the fan sucks and blows and he opens the door and lets it vent

visitors days!

today is the day the parents come followed by tomorrow with twice as many parents
this weekend is the hardest weekend i will have here apparently
being as i must do my job... all day no break
as well as
tame the parents and let them know i am doing my job as best as possible
i even forced myself to bed at 10pm last night so that i would have a good nights sleep before i get my head chewed off
my boss tell me to direct all the parent who have questioned or complaints
to be honest i don't know that he will know what to say to them besides the rehearsed "we are just doing our job as best as possible"
but being as he is my boss i will do as he says
on that topic...sort of i do have to remind myself on a constant bases that many of my worker; boss relationships will not be like that my boss and my coworker are completely my two best friends here the otter day i hada day off when i got back my first stop was at thier cabin because i missed them and wanted to tell them about my trip
also the DH of dance is leaving tomorrow. which is very sad. she is amazing and although i don't spend much time with her the time i do spend her is always great shes my favorite smoking buddy hehe
hopefully al will go well
and after this we are more then half way through with camp
so i am more then half back to home Boston/LA
cant wait to see everyone and then officially move into my apartment!

july 14th

scare
Vega news
aka
the oldest girls will let the entire camp know who they think is dating and torture you about
hence all the hiding that may or may no go one between you and a male staff member.
not so bad
i mean who cares right
but no i must keep a straight face witha dash of "your crazy"
although if it were to be true one did give me props
so at least inside i get that
but only inside
outside i have no interest is any such member of Vega staff
i just really hope i played that right

anyhow
so camp is going to start to come to a close in about 6 days
after visitors day
i wonder if i will be sad
right now i really need a break and I'm getting one
me and two friends will be heading over to Boston
stay at my beloved apartment
visit synthia
I'm praying shes still alive
i was told shes becoming a stuck up fat rat beuase wea are now only feeding her human food which means once i move in for good again she will never eat the rat food again
which also mean more clean up because human food goes bad faster
of ha there a rant about a rat

I've finally gotten back into my old swing of wondering around as i did during pre-camp

hopefully once i leave Maine for good this summer i will pst pictures that highlight moment i photographed during camp

my discussion as of now about coming back have just come to we'll see what comes my way in terms of next summer
if nothing better or even nothing else comes up i thin i will be back
it'll be exciting seeing as they do not have any returning photographer in a very long time

and the kid I'm a "baunt" for are great and i would love to see them again
i would also hope that my co-workers come back
even Kirsten as much as i know I've been hard on her this summer she does do her job very well and i don't think i cold do this alone
it may even be why camp Vega has a chance ata returning photographer
as well as they may have never asked for a returning photogrpaher but then again i was asked to come back before i eve n took the job hehe weird
i guess they just a fealling about my greatness
just kidding

anyhow
the last couple days have been really nice
i decided i think i wold really like to teach a photography class gere for real
but the chemicals could be bad then i was thinking i could do some alt. photogrpahy stuff
but i doubt theses little ones would be very interested in some wierd photo stuff
and i would not want to teach digital but that would probaly be the only option

oh well
i just need to work for a few more weeks and then im out
and a new blog will apear for my sophmore year of smfa the greatest palce ive ever been


sorry for all the typos had to do this quickly im not usually this bad

a list

here i sit in the office we call blue hill or the media room
sit with a boss who plays guitar no matter what or whom is in the room. and a co-worker who has recently been dubbed my brother and i his.... the forgein girl didnt know what she was saying i assume. i got a little tripped up today bc we kept saying the same thing and being who i am i look way to into things like that. but is it so strange to look into something that makes you smile no matter the circumstance. concidering such thoughts i have seem to have gotten myself involved with some one else. getting inovolved with a constant smile would only meen heart break at teh end of the count down from 7 weeks.
so this is lisa b gross trying to convince herself that she made the right choice
and with this great choice made a really good friend who she will never forget if for nothing else he got her to eat lobster and play guitar.....
oh camp vega the place to do what you have never done before
a list
horse back riding
eating lobster
learning to sail
play guitar
play drums
build a fire
and more to come im sure

here i is

week 2 into camp vega for girls sinse 1936 where the best thing a girl can find is herself... lovely ey
while being in camp vega ive already been to boston and back..... at least after that i felt less stuck.
its almost sad sometimes looking around at theses girls who are all no older then 15 worring about there weight and anything else that may seperate them.
personally i dont think the uniforms help. they are all competing to look the same anyway if they were able to express themselfs without a uniform maybe they would d spend more time looking inside themselves then what they look like in the mirror
but that may bea long shot.
i send most of my day ina little shack called "blue hill" or the media room
i work with one other photogapher and two videographers. kirsten, mike and nick. i really spend most of my time with mike and nick seeing as i dont get along with the other photographer. which is mainly my fault becuase as a photographer i live a very lonely life and working well witha nother is not my stronge point. but thi job will defently toughen my skin in that respect. mike and nick are both very talented young men who both went to video school together. mike is the more artistic one witha vision behind everyshot nick is the more technical one who knows all the ins and outs of video. they both make a fantastic team and im wicked excited to be working with them.
getting her i was put on the job immediatly , walking around taking pictures of the maintance which went on during precamp without the campers. it was great becuase it gave me a chance to really figure out who everyone was and for them to see me as what i will be all summer teh loner photographer. and as always i link on the the music department because for some reason i always find myself going in that direction. which by the end of precamp seemed to make a lot of sense seeing as the admin put music and media together for the skit and orientation event anyway.

the honest truth is i came to maine to run away for the summer. yes it is a great career opp. but when the sun goes down im really just hiding of everything that came up in my life last year. in that case i planned to lay low the whole summer but aparently the rum and coke at "sparetime" (a bowling trip we were taken on) had other ideas.
and now there ben
a some what version of dave it seems like.
so here i am wondering do i give in
let some one who barely knows me try and help me
or do i continue running
do i let myself reaslize theat even tho i came here to run there was something waiting for me
im always preaching about fate
but im also always admitting to hypocracy